I feel the way I did pre-medication. I grabbed coffee and walked around with a friend this morning. I wasn’t present. The entire time I plotted my escape. I couldn’t be myself. I wasn’t comfortable with myself. I was in my head analyzing everything about the interaction. I worried if I was fun to hang around, if I was boring him, if he would ever want to hang out with me again.
I started my medication to make this side of me go away. I hope this isn’t permanent. In the end you must know that no matter how strong your support system is, you have to learn to lean on yourself. In the end all you have is you.